Engraved in Memories
by Hikari Reizumi
Summary: AU. Inuyasha, an orphan, had lived through a harsh life. He found his haven in Kagome. But she questioned everything, from fate to time. And now, even his love for her. In what lengths would this mere orphan do to prove his faithfulness to her?


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Engraved in Memories

by: Hikari Reizumi

A/N: I do not own any of the Inuyasha characters

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_Shadow cast over the sky, looming over the thorn-filled roses. The sand in the hourglass flows smoothly, within the transparent barrier isolated from the normal chaotic life. Nothing can alter the natural run of this current, or the fate that is inscribed on a stone. Past cannot be mutated; nevertheless, chances are given to make amends. Beyond stars, universe and beyond time, each living has a purpose they must fulfill. Every being has this knowledge, yet, they do not wait once in a while to absorb every wonder._

_As I look back upon these nostalgic memories, I cannot help but grieve on the broken cries that sharply pierce through the night, which pleads to the heavens to rewind time and alter the vicious destiny that I had mistakenly desired. Now, while I sit peacefully on this boulder under the withering leaves of the tree and watch them sway on the light breeze, I reminisce the fateful day. It all starts on that haunting event that I can never forget. The event that has sparked it all. The beginning of what seems an eternity..._

The ominous clouds moved swiftly, letting the wind carry them wherever they were to go. As I stared up at the sky, wishing that I had never led this life, I sighed longingly at everything amiss. Then, I felt a drop caress my cheek, which turned to a vigorous trickle of rain. For the umpteenth time, I sighed once more, never looking at the slippery road. With my head bent down, I continued walking, as I remained ignorant, and proceeded to wrap myself in my own world, isolating me from everything.

With a sudden intake of breath, my lungs burned and I felt myself gasping for oxygen as I got knocked down on my back. I heard a loud screech, causing my ears to ring. I cringed at the awful sound. I was about to turn my head when my eyes got caught in the blazing light and I squinted them to get a better vision. I allowed to loll my head against the comforting warmth enveloping my body, contrasting it to the freezing rain.

His deep rumbling voice vibrated against my back and I fought down the shivers that crept down my spine. Who was this, I wondered as I slowly craned my neck to get a better look at my savior. I looked deeply in his eyes. They were the most amazing pool of violet shade I had ever seen. I stared deeply, wishing that I could penetrate through and read his very core. Eyes were supposedly the windows to one's soul. The corners of my eyes caught a slow movement of a crimson trickle that flowed on his temple. He risked his life and in turn, he was the one who got injured. I thanked him as soon as I got back on my feet. He just nodded in apprehension and walked away, as I watched his retreating back in the throng of people. Never once looking back.

I heard the ticking of the clock, signaling each second that passed by. Not even for once, the image of my rescuer faded in my mind. I kept doing the things I normally do in my routine, but my mind kept me from thinking straight. But since that time, I had never met him again.

At last, the days changed, and without so much to do, I continued what I do all the time. Sitting on a tree branch of my favourite tree, a boulder just below it. I stared at my reflection on the water as I thought about everything. About life, about future, time, and destiny. I watched the clouds flitting over my head when I heard the bushes rustle. I looked down and was surprised at what I saw. My saviour was back. He looked at me intensely with his deep, mysterious eyes. I stared back, fighting the blush that threatened to heat my face.

With each passing days, I met him in unusual circumstances. Some days, I would find him earlier under my tree than I was and in some, I would see a glimpse of him when I was walking. I should have felt threatened as if he was stalking me, but the thought never occurred to me. However, with those passing moments, I found myself falling for him. I thought that it was way too early. It could be just infatuation or lust, but whenever I look at his eyes, I could feel my self plunging into those depths, taking in my very soul. My heart would pound wildly against my chest and I could feel the deep pit of my stomach squirm.

One day, he looked at me with such passion but...there was another that I could not read. He asked me "Do you believe in me? Of what I can and cannot do?"

I was very perplexed at the question and all I could do was nod dumbly. My brain was working furiously, trying to comprehend what he was trying to tell me, but I could not come up with anything. I looked up at him, puzzled. It must have shown in my eyes, for when he looked at me, there was a ghostly smile upon his lips. He closed his eyes and shook his head as if trying to elude any unwanted thoughts. "Never mind," he said. So I obliged and did just that.

Two days after, Saturday afternoon, we rode the train. The sky was tranquil, no clouds could be seen and the sun was a golden globe. The trees reflected the light, emitting a reddish glow on their leaves. We got off a station and walked further where we sat down in silence, taking a breath of fresh air. We were in the pier. We looked out at the vast ocean that seemed to stretch from continent to continent. The sun started to go down, the water began to shimmer with the intense light. It reflected the orange and purple sky and glittered like a pack of small diamonds.

I looked at my companion, and saw him looking ahead with a serious face. I could not help but to think what he was thinking about. And as if reading my mind, he turned towards me and said, "What do you think of me?"

It was one of those questions again, that when I try to understand, I would just get more confused. But, as usual, I brushed it off and gave him an answer. I was satisfied with what I gave him, but for him, his look said otherwise. I opened my mouth, closed it and opened it again. No sounds could come out so I just let it go and he turned his face to look at the view.

The sky slowly changed. The stars started to come out. The first one, the morning star, grew brightly, shining overhead; its fiery surface lightened the surrounding unoccupied space. I stared with awe at the gradual change in the sky. I watched them turn their colours from warm to cool then to peacefully dark. By then, I had forgotten the question he asked me. But I always contemplated at what he meant by all those, what it seemed as, rhetorical questions.

By the time I had lain my head on the pillow, ready for a good night's sleep, I recalled and played everything that had happened in my head. Almost a month had past since I met him. The time seemed to flow flawlessly, going against my philosophy. I had always thought that there was something missing in my life. Something that I, alone, could not fulfill. Something that time, if ever there was one, would have been able to give me.

With the last thought of questioning my beliefs, which were bent within a month, I had drifted off to sleep.

_Like the fury of a vengeful storm, the need of being desperate, to have the protection from the unknown and the knowledge of what is to come, wash over me as if the tide has come to devour my very being; swallowing me as a whole. This is the part where I neglected everything I have, thinking that I would always have them forever._

Since that day at the pier, I could not help but wonder about the questions. Questions that haunted me every night and day, every passing minutes, seconds and moments. They floated in and out whenever I mused. At last, my conscience could not handle the torture and I gave in.

As I waited for him, I felt my stomach churned, holes were made and the acids cremated my stomach lining. My hands got slippery and cold**,** as my wide eyes darted with awareness. Finally, after waiting for what it felt as infinity, I heard soft footsteps behind me, walking a step at a time, not dragging his feet against the pavement.

I turned around, waited until he settled, before I slowly dropped the bomb, "What's wrong?" I finally questioned. He looked at me with straight expression before responding.

"What do you mean 'What's wrong,'?" Typical. Answering a question with a question. Yet, with my heart pounding, trying to win a race against a horse, I swallowed thickly and continued on.

"Well...you always seem so distant. I opened up myself to you and you don't say anything about yourself." I explained, locking his eyes with mine. I saw them flicker with unknown emotion before going opaque.

"What are you talking about? We've had conversations. Humph, we even went down this road before." Smug. Contented, but not me.

"Please," I said. "It's just...I don't know...unsettling. I guess you could call it that. You-"

"What are **you** talking about?" He cut me off. "Didn't you hear what you just said. You specifically told me that, You. Don't. Know." he emphasized every word. His brows furrowed in concentration as he stared down at me.

I'm not going to back down, I thought. But I had never seen him like this. Releasing my pent up emotion, I lashed out. "Don't give me that! You're the one who's feeding me lies! And now you're turning **this** against me? What do you want me to do, huh? I've been patient enough, waiting for you to tell me what's going on in that thick skull of yours! But no! You have to play innocent, leading me to wherever you want me. What do you think I am? I'm not some lifeless puppet that you can just play with! Do you **even know** what we have? I don't even know where I stand with you! Why couldn't you trust me? Trust me enough to tell me what's wrong? Did you even realize that **trust** is the cornerstone of relationships?"

"Exactly!" he shouted at me. I took a step back from fright. I hadn't expected him to burst vehemently. "Why can't you trust me? You 're just prying your way through! Why can't you wait until I'm ready to tell you what is exactly in my mind? Why can't you **trust** me that I will tell you this sooner or later?"

How dare he?, I thought. Fueled by rage, my emotions blinded me as they stormed in my vision. I stepped up to him, my face was close enough to see his seething eyes. "Don't you dare put my words in my mouth!" But he did have a point. Shaking the thought off my head, I continued with my outburst. "You know what? Screw this relationship! I've never really known you, so what's the point of even having a future with you, if there is one!" Not knowing what else to say, I had told him what I would regret the most. With that, I turned around and started to run. Never once looking back.

Days had past, then weeks, and then months. I had never seen him since that quarrel. The memories of the day's events had plagued my mind like a leech. I felt guilty, knowing that, in a way, he was right. I was too persistent. We were only dating for weeks. Not years, nor months. Weeks. Only weeks and our relationship, the one existing in my imagination, had taken a nosedive, then drowned in the lifeless murky water.

Today was not like the other days, however. The nimbus clouds covered the entire sky, hovering over the buildings. They blocked the sun and there was no wind to blow them. The rain started to patter lightly against my jacket, which flowed on the creases of my sleeves. I stared ahead, looking at everything, yet seeing nothing. My head ran amok, my thoughts, guilt and conscience continued to battle, and no one was winning against the other. Then, unlike any other days, my breath was caught in my throat, my eyes wide in frantic and I felt as if I was flying swiftly, cutting through the air.

Once again, yet I never overcame the defiance of the reality, I got knocked down on my back, my head hit the concrete and I felt no warmth, thus I knew that nothing was supporting me. I scramble to my feet, although feeling as if my eyes crossed, I stared ahead, curiosity taking over all thoughts. I saw cars resembled an accordion and the road had black skid marks. Smoke was coming from the engine and all I could hear was silence.

The experience was nerve wrecking, and I almost got hit, or worse, get stuck in between of the vehicles. With this in my head, my eyes widened as I realized that someone had saved me. I looked around the ghastly area and my eyes caught a figure lying on the cold pavement.

I walked slowly to the figure, then I fought a gasp as I started to take on a full sprint. My saviour. He saved me once again, in the same accident, yet this time, luck was against us. My hands flew to my mouth and I started to tear. I stared at him as my brows scrunched and I shook my head to deny what had just happened.

I kneeled beside him and I saw his face was ghostly white. His crimson blood poured on the cobblestone and his body was damaged like a broken vase. There were bloody scrapes and wounds all over his body. His eyes were closed and his breathing was harsh. His breaths were coming in short pants as he tried to open his eyes. When he did, my throat tightened as I remembered what I always wanted to see. His very soul through his eyes. I looked at him, trying to plead without saying anything. I looked at his chest, then I put my ear against it, but I strained to hear his beating pulse. It pounded and I felt it, but my recognition was wrong. It was mine that I heard. My own beat that I felt.

I looked at him once again, then with a set of flashbacks, I had to remember what I told him that day. A scum. A worthless scum who didn't deserve to live. A creature below everything else. He was hated. Despised. Loathed. I said every derogatory comments, but that one was the worst. I yelled an expletive, followed by abhorrent statements. I hadn't mean it! I didn't mean to curse him! I don't want him to die. Especially in my hands, looking at me with understanding, passion. But most of all, he looked at me with forgiveness. I am so sorry! I don't hate you. Please, don't leave me! I thought, but it couldn't get pass through my mouth. I opened it, but he put his thumb on my lips, silencing me. He just shook his head and smiled with that secretive smile of his. My eyes pleaded and my lips trembled. I felt a lone tear escaped my right eye, but his thumb caught it. He shook his head slightly then he opened his mouth.

"No." he coughed out. I stared in horror as I watched him coughed droplets of blood. I took his hand that was resting on my face and pressed it further with my own, caressing it. "I need you to know the truth. I...I-"he gasped, then, "I **want** you to know the truth. I was...was going to...to your fa-favourite tree, a-and talk to you..."

"Please..."I pleaded. I closed my eyes tightly shut, as my tears flowed with the rain. I couldn't see anything. It was as if a tunnel was made in my sight. Everything was blurry except for him. "Don't talk. Save your energy." I choked out.

"I'm sorry. I-it was not a-any of your fault. Do-don't say sorry when there...there is no-nothing to be for-forgiven about..."

I stared at him. Another wise words from him. But this time, it was his final words. I couldn't let it go. Not just yet. There was so much things that I needed him to know. Please, please don't go. Not yet...please! I felt his hands slip away from my face and, finally, with no energy left in my body, I let his hands go and watched them slip beside his body. I went on my hands and knees and begged him to open his eyes. I shouted his name to the sky while I gently cradled his head, but the roaring thunder drowned out my cries of anguish. I shook him, but his lifeless body just went along with the force I exerted. It couldn't be! Please no. No matter how hard I tried, he was just lying there, as if he was in a lifetime slumber.

_T__alent__s are given to men for them to make use of it. They are also given knowledge to solve every mysteries. Yet, there are some which are not made to be discovered. One of these is time. There are moments where I begged time to wind back. To give me a chance to make changes. Nonetheless, there are times when I think that I would rather dwell in the past. This is one of this times. Like a written conscription, fate is a vivacious aristocrat where it rules every game. My life is its game. Now, as I sit on the boulder, I unfold a piece of paper and the corners are slightly torn as the sides and the deep creases are darker shade of yellow. Countless times, I read this letter, but every time I do, it always seems as if it is the first. Deciding against all common knowledge, I follow my feelings and read the letter once more._

_My dearest Kagome,___

_While you are reading this, you are probably sitting on or under your favourite tree. Your words had never left my mind, and as I thought about it more, I figured that someway, somehow, you are right. This afternoon, I am going to your house and tell you the whole story of my life. The shameful life that I live. But, I still wanted for you to get this, even when I am already going to tell you the whole truth._

_I had lived in an orphanage and as I grew up, I was transferred from one family to the next. In total, there were fifteen families that I had been with. It hurts so much knowing that as you get to know the person and start to trust them, love them, they are going to leave you behind. Being as five year-old kid, I had watched my father suffered in the fire. I was the cause of his death. Every single night, I had traumatic nightmares that will not leave me and my peers constantly scorn me, blaming me for my father's death. My mother couldn't take the obligation and the burden so she sold me. My first foster put me in the orphanage._

_Most of my foster parents knew about this, since it was in my files. So they treated me without respect, usually ordering me to take care of the unwanted businesses. If I refused, I would get beaten. Throughout my life, I had learned that no one...__**no one**__...could be trusted. I had to live my life with only myself supporting me. But you changed that, Kagome. You changed me. I had learned how to love and be loved in return. I had learned to trust and care for someone. I feel exceptional, knowing you. I love you, with all my heart and nothing can ever change that. _

_ With love, Inuyasha_

The end


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